Today shall be an interesting day. I borrowed a darkroom camara from my teacher and am going with sonali and my sister's friends to the santa monica peir. Ill post more later and ill most likely have lots of pictures too.

Since saturday i've been at my sister's house in san diego. We've just been sitting around and yesterday, we went shopping. We bought fish and a rock for Henry's tank and he seems to love the fact that the water level is higher now. After that we ate lunch at a place called Oggi's and it was AMAZING. My favorite part was the lettuce wraps that we had. They were messy and made my hands sticky, but it was totally worth it. We ended up giving the rest of our leftovers (almost a full pizza) to a homeless guy that we drove by. After that we headed to the Joann's superstore where Lisa spent a ton on fabric for Joe's quilt, and i bought some scrapbook pages and an iron on that I plan to put on a white shirt. I'll post a picture when I do it, but the white shirt that we bought yesterday turned out to be stained; i decided to wait. I think that this shirt is going to be one of my favorites, as you can tell im excited to wear it.

Other that yesterday, we've just been sitting around the house watching movies and stuff. Last night i did my homework in Lisa's room so that i could be on stand by just in case she needed help with her dresser. It turned out to look awesome, and im pretty sure it took her about 3 hours to put together. Also i put iron on's on two of Joli's white onesies. They turned out to be amazingly cute. I'll take pictures of them and post them later.

Today we were planning on going to the zoo, but my mom woke up and told us that her back hurt, so i have no idea if we're still going or not. I guess we'll see what everybody says.

pushed around

Suddenly some things dont seem as important. Ive thought a lot about what i need to do the last few days, and found that i need to stop letting people control me. I try my hardest to please everyone and in the end it doesnt work out. I need to do whats best for me right now, or at least what i think is best for what i plan to do with my life. I act tough around my friends and let them push me around, when sometimes their amusement causes me to feel bad about myself. Its difficult to live this way so its time to end it.

Untitled

This is basically the only physical change ive been going through. As for mentally, there's hardly enough room to explain it all in a blog. But I've learned that everything i do has to be for me, and no one else. It's hard to say what is going to happen in the next month, or even the next week, I think i can do it though. I just need the support.

Oh happy day

Wow the days are going by fast. Lots have happened in the past couple of weeks. Most have it has been very stressful on several different people including me.

Christmas is coming up and im so excited! Friday Lisa, Joe, and Joli are coming up to have a pre-christmas with us. We are going to do the things that we normally do on christmas that day since neither of us will be here on the actual day. My family and i are driving up to Oregon in the motorhome.

Yesterday was Joli's first birthday party, and her father found it neccesary to have a bottle of rum and coke to add to the festivities. Apparently a party isn't a party without the captain present. My gift to Joli was a singing penguin trio that after about 20 times of her pushing the button, you get really sick of it. It's a christmas item though so luckily for Lisa's sanity, the penguins only come out once a year.
Here are some pictures from the party:

Thanksgiving Day!

Last night Lisa, Joli, and Joe arrived and right away things were crazy around the house. My friends Sonali and Ryan were over, and Joli seemed to be particularly interested in Ryan. When he first walked up she pointed at him and said "Lookie!" It was adorable but unfortunately for her, Ryan's baby-phobia got the better of him, and he kept a strict distance of 10 feet away from her.

Soon after i went to soccer practice where only 5 players showed up. It was really disappointing considering the next time our team is together, we will be playing a tournament. I guess we will just have to improvise when it comes to our first game.

This morning i woke up to Joe frantically ticking me: it was rather annoying on my part. I guess he considers it tradition to wake me up like that everytime he comes.

Now we are all just waiting for Daddy to get back so we can eat :]

life

The days have been going by so fast that I barely know what day it is anymore. We just had halloween and its already Thanksgiving?! The last couple weeks I've been focused on the things that mean the most to me. Being a good friend, soccer player, student, swimmer: It all takes effort and time. There was a moment about a month ago where i wasn't sure what I wanted anymore, but it quickly passed and now im content with everything that is happening in my life (for the most part.) I think that if Andrew was here, then my life would literally be perfect. Apparently perfect lives are in the midst of being created, and can not quite express themselves yet.

I know marine biology has been my main obsession for the majority of my life, but lately i've been beginning to rethink it. Maybe being around it so much, i had an overdose and am no longer interested in it; Maybe i just have decided its not as interesting as i had always thought. I'm not sure how to express what has happened, but im not sure what i want my profession to be anymore. It feels wierd to not know. I'm now one of those kids who have no idea what they want to do in life. I've always been the one with an answer and now i have none. It's strange to look to the future and not know what i'm doing. Apparently thats what kids my age are supposed to do, but i've never been like that. I guess i'm just going to free float for a while.

Have you ever felt completely and utterly hopeless because there's some thing that you want to do, but there is no possible way that you can? That's about how i'm feeling right now. Andrew has been really sick this past couple weeks, and yesterday he passed out during school and had to go to the hospital. I honestly didn't know what to say when he told me that. I couldn't come see him because apparently i'm a little person who doesn't know what she's doing. Now i may have just put words in some people's mouths, but we all know that's what they're thinking. I just feel so out of control. I can't go see him and help him through this, which i want to do more than anything. He's someone that I care about so much i would die for him, but he's also my best friend. And i wish i could help him get through this because he's helped me through so much. Honestly there's nothing that he doesn't know about me. When it comes to my problems I can trust him with anything. I dont know; I just needed to rant there for a minute.