life

The days have been going by so fast that I barely know what day it is anymore. We just had halloween and its already Thanksgiving?! The last couple weeks I've been focused on the things that mean the most to me. Being a good friend, soccer player, student, swimmer: It all takes effort and time. There was a moment about a month ago where i wasn't sure what I wanted anymore, but it quickly passed and now im content with everything that is happening in my life (for the most part.) I think that if Andrew was here, then my life would literally be perfect. Apparently perfect lives are in the midst of being created, and can not quite express themselves yet.

I know marine biology has been my main obsession for the majority of my life, but lately i've been beginning to rethink it. Maybe being around it so much, i had an overdose and am no longer interested in it; Maybe i just have decided its not as interesting as i had always thought. I'm not sure how to express what has happened, but im not sure what i want my profession to be anymore. It feels wierd to not know. I'm now one of those kids who have no idea what they want to do in life. I've always been the one with an answer and now i have none. It's strange to look to the future and not know what i'm doing. Apparently thats what kids my age are supposed to do, but i've never been like that. I guess i'm just going to free float for a while.

Have you ever felt completely and utterly hopeless because there's some thing that you want to do, but there is no possible way that you can? That's about how i'm feeling right now. Andrew has been really sick this past couple weeks, and yesterday he passed out during school and had to go to the hospital. I honestly didn't know what to say when he told me that. I couldn't come see him because apparently i'm a little person who doesn't know what she's doing. Now i may have just put words in some people's mouths, but we all know that's what they're thinking. I just feel so out of control. I can't go see him and help him through this, which i want to do more than anything. He's someone that I care about so much i would die for him, but he's also my best friend. And i wish i could help him get through this because he's helped me through so much. Honestly there's nothing that he doesn't know about me. When it comes to my problems I can trust him with anything. I dont know; I just needed to rant there for a minute.